From 2 to 5 in the Family

Contributed by Esther Jansen, 34 years old

I love being a mum, Ive always known I wanted to be one, and Ive dreams about what kind of mum I will be. But I have to admit that the biggest challenge for us was the transition from couplehood to parenthood.

It was easy to spend the first 2 months being so caught up with our new born that all we ever did or talked about centred around her. Then over the next year, we began to feel like our roles were only that of "mummy and daddy", while our roles as husband and wife had somehow disappeared into the shadows.

As a new stay-at-home mum, I looked forward to my husbands return from work so that I could have adult conversation. He just wanted to play with the baby and watch TV. On weekends, he would plan for all of us to go out but all I really wanted was to have a few hours of alone time without our baby. At meal times, I felt he would be happily enjoying his meal while I had to push my hunger aside and feed our baby first.

Then one day I read an article about how as parent we sometimes have preconceived notions about what we expect our spouse to do. We think our spouse who has known us for so long should "know better" and when they behave differently from our expectations, we get even more upset.

Wow - what an eye opener that was! Thats when I realized I needed to share my thoughts with my husband so I showed him the article. I told him meal times would be more enjoyable for me if we each took turns having a few bites while the other feeds our baby.

On my husbands side, he said he really looked forward to the weekends as he could go out as a family, and he was getting upset at my lack of participation. When he realize how frazzled my weekdays were with our toddler, hr suggested that he would take our daughter to the playground after breakfast on Saturdays so I could have some baby-free time.

Now I tell my friends who are going to be parents soon that there are some things spouses need to discuss and agree on even before the baby comes. This helps make the transition from couplehood to parenthood smoother. Topics can range from baby care and finances, to personal time and family life.

We have three children now and we still re-look at our options such as who should be the main care-giver, what percentage of whose bank account will finance our family daily needs, how much we could save monthly, and how we could each pursue some personal interests while still spending time as a family. I can truly say that parenthood has been so much more rewarding than I had expected!