Speak to your Children the Way you would like them to Speak
Speak to your Children the Way you would like them to Speak
The way we speak reflects largely the way we think. Thus it follows that In order to help our children speak intelligently we need to guide them to think intelligently. One of the foremost important steps towards this process is the use of the questioning method. However, I am not talking about the when, why, what, who, where and how questions. These are what we term the literal questions that may only help with low level comprehension. I am talking about questions that can tease the brain and improve thought processes.
Where can you get content for this purpose? Books are great especially for younger children. However, there is one source that is readily available for older children and it does not take much effort on your part. Yes, I am talking about the television. The programmes shown are a rich source for you to use to start up any discussion especially pertaining to global issues. First, there is always the news to talk about. Then, there are documentaries. Also, do not undermine the many dramas that you can fall back on as a form of interesting discussions.
The reason I say this is because students need to write stories for their English lessons. Therefore, if you and your children are always discussing themes, plots and character development you are actually giving them a very good grounding to be creative in their compositions.
One obvious advantage of TV is that the visual is much more stimulating and captures the child’s attention in a way that reading cannot. We learn better when our senses are put into play. The moving picture provides the easiest way of doing this without having to pay a heavy cost to experience firsthand. Sometimes, even if you have the money, there are experiences that can come to us only via the TV. One example is like the telecast of natural disasters. Seriously, you do not want to be there.
I am a fervent believer in the use of the television, because as a child, I learnt so much through it. We were too poor to travel anywhere or even watch movies at the cinemas. The television was my way of placing the vision of the world in as life as possible into my mind. Reading gave me a vague idea of how things were but the moment you see them on television – there is more clarity. I use to love watching programmes of travels to the different parts of the world. Cultures and races slowly became real faces. Through the lenses of the cameras, I saw how deserts bloom and how floods killed lives.
`I was not surrounded by people who spoke “good English”. I owe it a lot to the many English language programmes that were aired on television. I paid close attention to what was being said even if it meant I had to figure it out myself by making guesses as to what was happening. I loved to read and I truly did read a lot. However, I did not know how to pronounce many of the words I had read. The character in the dramas and movies helped me put them into practice.
I guess I am a very practical person. After all, TV is here to stay. Get real about that. So, take advantage of it by providing “guided watching sessions.” Make it a habit to pick up “good” vocabulary from the drama series that you watch as well. I have done it so often.
How do you help your child think through television dramas?
Empathy Questions
These are questions that train the mind to look at things from another person’s point of view. Empathy skills are high level thinking processes and if practiced can lead to what we term ‘maturity of thought’. This skill allows us to look at things from different angles - an essential aspect when trying to solve a problem. The wider the perspective the greater the chance of coming up with a good solution.
What would you have done if you were in the same situation?
Do you think he had a right to treat people that way?
What would you do if someone forced you to do something you did not want to do?
In your opinion, did the character have a choice?
The whole idea here is to encourage the child to evaluate and take other factors into consideration. People behave the way they do sometimes because of circumstances or lack of knowledge. Things are never as clear cut as they seem.
Creativity Questions
This type of questions encourages the mind to think beyond what is given. This is the basis of helping the mind to develop original ideas. We are teaching our children that they do not have to accept something just because a book or a movie says this is the way it is. We are empowering them to explore and try out new ways of looking at things.
If you had to change the story, which part of it would you change? Why?
Can you think of another way to end the story? How?
Are there any details you think could have been improved on?
If you were given to change one character, who would you choose? Which aspect of this character would you change? Why?
Cause and Effect Questions
The purpose is to train the mind to be aware that everything happens for a reason. We must encourage our children to be curious enough to question why things happen the way they do. Scientists and inventors are people who are always venturing into searching for the answers to things.
Why do you think this happened?
Why did the character behave that way?
Evaluative Questions
Allow the child to learn to develop views and opinions and how to substantiate them.
Which part of the story did you like (or not like) most?
Do you feel that his decision was a good one? Did he have other options available to him?
Can you think of some?
What is your opinion of the story plot? (Was it fast moving and engaging enough or too slow and dragging?)
What is the one thing you learnt from the story?
Did you feel that the actor played the character well?
The Method
In order for this form of questioning to be effective there are certain principles that we must adhere to. Otherwise, the whole exercise will be a waste of time.
1. Follow up: Always follow up their answers with questions that require them to explain and elaborate further. This sets the foundation for a mind that is always searching for evidence to support what they say – which is generally what we term an “inquiring” mind. We want them to be “responsible” for their thoughts. This is the basis of scientific thinking.
Example: Why do you say that? Why do you feel that way? What makes you hold that opinion? Is there another way of looking at it? What is your evidence to support your view?
2. Hold judgment: Always remember there is no right or wrong answers when doing this exercise. Re assure them that you just want to hear what they think about the story. Pay attention to how they “support” their answers. In other words, we want them to learn to “argue” out their point of view and “reason out” their stand. Words like “nonsense” and “rubbish” can dampen them. In the long run, they may not want to share their opinions anymore because they do not want to be constantly put down. Remember thinking process do not develop overnight. Confusion and chaos are part of the journey. If you feel strongly about something then say it in such a way that this is only “your opinion”. You too must give your “reasons” for holding that view.
4. Give some time: Refrain from rushing the child into giving the answers. Think about what happens when we have to answer a question. First we need to collect information as we listen. We need to go through a process of understanding as to what is being asked. Then we have to figure out and analyse what are the possible answers. After which, we need to organize and formulate those thoughts into words. Finally, we actually need to articulate them out. It is a very complicated process. So, do be patient. Teachers especially should be aware of this. You are putting the child under a lot of pressure if you insist on an “instant” answer which is not very helpful. The child will simply shrink and not want to attempt at all. Guide them with a simple yes and no answer type of questions first. Then, elicit from them to tell you the “why” part.
5. Sometimes, no answer is ok: If the child truly cannot come up with an answer at that point in time it is okay. This especially applies when you have just begun to get into this activity. The exercise is not wasted because according to brain experts, once you ask a question, the brain has no choice but to occupy itself with answering it. We just have to be patient as to when the results will appear. Re enforce the idea by just encouraging the child to keep thinking about it. However, this should not be a habit. Wherever possible do get the child to give an answer even if it is just a simple one.
6. Prevent Overloading: Do not overload the child with all the questions above at any one time. Choose one or two. They are very demanding and challenging. If you ask too much, the child may feel overloaded and next time he would avoid having these discussions with you.
7. Role-Model: You have to “show” them how to do it. Children are not born with these skills – they have to learn and cultivate them. Do it first so that the child gets an idea of what is required. One example can go something like this, “I believe that the character did it out of fear, without realizing that it would hurt the other person. If you remember, in the past he has had the experience of being hurt by people he had trusted so deeply. I think he believes that this person will hurt him too. Of course, he should have given this person the benefit of the doubt. He assumes everyone is bad. Unfortunately, he cannot see that this is not always the case. That is the real tragedy.” When you role-model, you are also providing the “language” required for expressing ideas.
You can follow up this process with a writing assignment. Call it their “Reflection” book. They can write down any aspect of the discussion on the “story”. One tip to help build your children’s vocabulary is to invest in a thesaurus. Have you noticed words like ‘happy’, ‘sad’, ‘good’ and ‘bad’’ are overused? How exciting is it for the teacher who is marking the paper to keep saying the same old words? Get your child to open the thesaurus and show them all the other possibilities available that carry similar meanings. So, instead of “sad”, they now have a variety of choices.
“bereaved, bitter, blue, cheerless, dejected, despairing, despondent, devastated, disconsolate, dismal, distressed, doleful, down, down in dumps, down in mouth, downcast, forlorn, gloomy, glum, grief-stricken, grieved, heartbroken, heartsick, heavyhearted, hurting, in doldrums, in grief, in the dumps, languishing, low, low-spirited, lugubrious, melancholy, morbid, morose, mournful, out of sorts, pensive, pessimistic, sick at heart, somber, sorrowful, sorry, troubled, weeping, wistful, woebegone,”
www.dictionary.com
I would like to encourage teachers to do this during writing sessions in class. Otherwise, it will be a tough task to get them to just come up with the alternatives on their own. You need to let your child “see” the many choices he has. It will get them into the habit of knowing that he can choose because there are “alternatives”. I do this when I write. After using the new word a few times, I notice the word becomes a part of me.
Till next time – speak to your children the way you want them to speak.
Ms Rohani Razak
Educationist/ Therapist
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